Now That I'm Ready to Date Him, He’s With Someone Else

Dear Bossip,

I am a 24 year old woman and have been friends with a guy the same age as me for 9 years now.

But, I recently ended the friendship because I felt the time had come for the playing around to stop.

We first met when we were 13 years old, and then met again at 15 years old and started talking. Even though we liked each other and wanted to be together, being that we were so young and lived in separate states, it couldn’t happen so we just talked on the phone and hung out whenever I came to his town where my grandparents lived to visit.

Well, I ended up moving to his town for college and he wanted us to get serious, but I said no since I was just starting school and wanted my freedom. He understood and we continued just being cool. He started dating someone and
I felt it wasn’t appropriate for us to be friends anymore, since we liked each other, so I cut him off.

A year and a half later he ended up sending a letter to my grandparent’s house to get back in touch with me. And, once again he wanted a relationship, but I just wasn’t ready and so we just remained “friends.” Well, fast forward to the present. I finally got to a place where I was ready to be with him, but I thought he didn’t want me at the time so I let it go. I continued being his friend and dated other guys. He always asked me about what I was doing with these other men and how I felt about them. For some reason he just always wanted to know leading me to believe that he really did want me, but he was thinking I wanted someone else.

So, one day I decided to write him a letter letting him know that I still had feelings for him and that he is the one I really want. However, by time I did this it was too late because he had already made plans to get involved with another woman. They decided to live together. This ended up hurting me so bad that I decided to put an end to our friendship because there are too many feelings involved between us. I didn’t think it would be right for us to be around each other acting like a couple while he’s living with another woman.

We recently spoke to each other and I told him that because of the feelings we share for one another that at this point we have to be all or nothing because we can’t just be friends like we had been trying to be all this time. He just said that he was going to figure it all out (whatever that means). He also said that he needs to be around me in order to know how he feels. I don’t think I should be around him unless we are in a relationship or working towards one especially not while he’s living with another woman, even though he’s not serious about her.

I feel like if he really wants me then he will move out of his place with her and step to me the same way he did when we were younger, but I could be wrong. Should I allow communication between the two of us and even allow him to come around me? Or, should I just stick to my word and only be around if he says he wants a relationship? I feel like maybe I should allow him to be around so he can figure out what he wants to do, but at the same time I feel like after 9 years he should already know. Please help! – Ready For Him